So Very Thankful
I feel so very blessed.
The monumental events of the past six months obstruct my rear view of things prior to that time.
I remember premonitions several weeks prior to Jaymun's birth that something extraordinary was about to take place. I felt a strange urgency as I reviewed mental "check lists" of things I needed to complete before his arrival.
And then he was here - and things spun out of control.
This journal speaks for itself, albeit in a disjointed "snapshot" fashion. It is hard to describe the numbing confusion that permeated our lives. Jennifer spent months sequestered in a hospital room - nursing Jaymun. She bore the brunt of that time, but neither was it any picnic surviving without her at home.
She has always been the center of our household in so many ways.
Finances, schedules, activities, shopping, church, school, homework, doctors, dentists, household,
...the list goes on and on - and she still finds time to tend to the flower beds, give thoughtful gifts to others, record our family history in voluminous scrapbooks, come up with creative birthday parties, make batches of strawberry jam, cook wonderful meals, donate a few months of her time many summers working to help disabled people at the local Easter Seal camp, and pour her life into coaching our children as they learn to live and love.
The "saying" bears repeating, that when young people choose a mate - they usually have no idea who they are receiving - "love is blind". I am the fortunate beneficiary in the demonstration of that old adage. My Bride has proven to be a truly beautiful, loving, gracious, capable, and creative woman. Especially when it comes to working with the peculiar (ahem) flaws of her husband - no need for details here (grin).
From my perspective, those "Baby Jaymun" weeks and months were strangely confusing. I did not know where I should be. Down at the hospital, at home, at work, …at each of those places I felt like things were falling apart elsewhere. And there was no plan I could put together to fix them. It was like living life in limbo, drifting along, unable to firmly hang on to any proper security. Escaping or quitting would not bring satisfaction - just make things severely worse. Especially since I had this sense that God was leading us somewhere, scary as things were.
Wherever He is leading us, He has reinforced in a huge way that Jennifer and I need to go there together.
Having Jennifer with me makes me feel so strong and complete - so ready to "do life".
After the crisis in December, we settled in to our hospital routine in January, almost finding that elusive normalcy - just happy to have our son alive and out of intensive care. Then at the end of January, Jaymun came home! For some odd reason a particular moment underscored the meaning of this. You all might laugh - but I think the following story and picture epitomizes the happiness that only another parent will understand.
Jaymun had started eating quite a bit - and we were making sure of that by using his NG tube to put the extra milk he needed directly into his stomach. As a result, for some odd reason, he was producing this spectacularly green poop - sorry, no picture (grin). Well, we just came home from the hospital, and Jaymun did a masterful job. It was so sticky and sloppy that it ran up and down his backs and legs. He was practially green from armpits down - and he thought it was hilarious. We had to stand him up to clean up, holding our noses as he giggled non-stop.
I snapped this picture then - he still had his cap on. I remember being so happy that as parents we could take care of normal baby things at home - like cleaning up poop.
There are probably many other deeper lessons to learn, and as Jaymun grows up there may be worse messes not so easily cleaned up, but for now,
I’m just so very thankful,
...even for the green poop (grin)!