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A New Year (Month, Week, Day, Hour...)


The Jaymun news is steadily improving.
I'll let Jennifer fill you in on the details - keep praying for his lungs, kidneys, and his nausea.

Things are a bit tiring after the most intense month of my life. I can't say I am filled with poetic words. All that crisis and adrenalin consumed quite a bit of emotional and mental energy. So did the celebration. It's a bit exhausting. I was so pumped when Jaymun came through - now the reality of the hard work ahead sets in. He still has issues elminating fluids, his eyes don't seem to track as fast - I suppose that's the morphine a bit. Plus his neck is stiff - doesn't turn to the left very well - Dr. Cindy here we come :) More importantly, he just can't seem to keep food down - keeps throwing up - they are not sure why. Makes a person think about side effects from chemo and BMT treatment - toxic damage, growth stunting, or vulnerablility to immune system attack for all the bodily systems and organs.
They can put him on steroids, but then that increases the risk for the cancer relapse.

Wow, listen to me worry! A coupla days ago I felt like nothing could touch us - not with God here. I suppose the anti-climactic moments that follow a major triumph can be typical. The reality of the little challenging aspects of life. Maybe for a moment I dreamt all would instantly be solved. Or now I am temporarily relying for motivation on family, work, new ideas, laughter, socialization, etc. - lured to a relapse from depending on God. Forgetting how awesome it is to be near Him. Complacency comes quick. Living victorious was sweet, can't we coast along, living off last week's prayers?

It would be nice if God would just fix everything so we could take it easy, eh? Maybe I forget Jaymun's perspective.
His two parents holding and comforting him through the tough times - that's a big part of his miracle.
Tiring and stressful as it may at times be (and selfish as we may be tempted to feel) -
God uses us to bless our son with the experience of comfort, faithfullness, and love.

Possibly there is a tendancy to get bored after intense experiences. This year the term "post Christmas blues" could have entirely new meaning. Thrills become addicting - like a happy movie ending within two hours. Good habits last longer.
This is more than a drama production. The credits roll, and life keeps going...

I'm getting deja-vu - this is an familiar lesson. Habits of faith are more challenging than feats of faith.
Prayer takes a sneaky slide. From crisis itensity, to gradual distraction.
Note to self - Watch out for:
Diminishing your reliance on spending time with God to receive transforming humilty and joy.
Assuming God is pleased with your life the way it is.
Doubting God's power to dramatically change or improve certain things.
Resigning to the daily humdrum.
Limiting yourself to your own abilities.

STOP! If you are just joining us, and haven't read December's journal go read it starting from the beginning.
Now - imagine if you had read it backwards. Would the impact of the final posts be the same if you had read them first? Probably not. Even if you followed us through December, but didn't really "crawl out on the limb" so to speak. Didn't really "put all your eggs in one basket". Didn't really make yourself extremely vulnerable to dissappointment. Didn't really pour out your heart, appealing to Jesus, admitting and apologizing to Him for that part of you that still finds it hard to reach out, hard to trust, hard to let go, hard to admit that we are helpless and needing His real rescue.

His rescue first. Not a magic potion, not a wand, not an incantation, not a wizard, not an angel, not a preacher, not a self-help book, not a new resolution, not a stronger effort, not anything more important than His actual love and compassion - His actual presence. Him backing up his Word. Being Who He said He Is. Everything else falls in order.

If you were right there with us in the beginning, begging for God's help,
then the spiritual joy was real and grand when His love overcame. Then you were laughing and crying and shouting.
Just reading about it is good - but living it - depending and receiving... ...ah, the humble taste of majesty.

So that is the difference. Involvement with God from the start. Leaning on Him all the way through.
Receiving the same enjoyment from daily gifts, and daily rescue as the major victories -
because we engage with God early in the ground game. Tackle little failures in our life and relationships.

Little failures in our eyes (anger, ruses, fantasies, etc.), but exponentially separative from God
(serious in His eyes as murder, lies, lust, etc.).

Asking just as passionately for His forgiveness, direction and assistance,
Recognizing just as humbly how far we are from His standard,
Depending just as eagerly on His free and miraculous power,
Listening just as intently to his Word and Spirit for guidance,
and Celebrating just as genuinely at the undeserved results He brings.

Who ever said we have to live by the rule that our life will never change?
Always be bound by failure or depression? Always have unresolvable conflict with those we love?
Never prevail in the face of temptation? Always be a slave to fear, doubt, or bitterness?

Who needs "self-liberation" - there is a much better way.
Our Saviour opened the door to a different kind of life. Being a slave was part of the old life - we have a better hope!

More notes to self at the beginning of 2007:

Pay attention to Who it is you pray to...
...and who it is who is praying.
Covet the presence of the Lord - life is stale without Him - and flourishes when He is near.
Fuel each day with energy from conversations with Jesus. You only cheat yourself by turning down His love.
Get enough sleep, eat well, and enjoy family. Work hard, help others, and forgive easily.
Don't sweep details under the carpet - invite God to search, teach, and lead.
Are you focused on accomplishments while God would rather you seek peace?
Be humble - actively examine the day for opportunities to pray, listen, and reconsider.
Fervently anticipate God's direct involvment in daily events.

Be comforted - God cares just as much about finishing as starting His work.